Review: Tim Allen jokes about political correctness, career at Artis—Naples

He may have played Santa Claus three times on the silver screen, but this famous Hollywood star and comedian says he's no saint.

Tim Allen, 64, joked about hating children, President Donald Trump's tweeting habits and political correctness to a sold-out crowd during his stand-up comedy show Friday at Artis—Naples.

The snarky yet lovable star even dished out some cussing and below-the-belt humor, a sharp contrast to the mostly wholesome roles he plays on TV and in film.  

Allen's performance began with a video montage of his work from Disney-Pixar's "Toy Story" to "The Santa Clause" to TV's "Home Improvement" and "Last Man Standing." 

While most of his movie and TV roles have catered to a younger audience, Allen says he actually hates children.

"I hate them. I'm not too fond of mine, and trust me I really hate yours," the father of two said as the crowd roared with laughter.

"The stupidest things on planet Earth is us when we were little, ...You want to find weird (stuff) in your garage, let a toddler loose. They don't come back with a teddy bear, they come back with a grenade and a machete.

"I'm still nursing my 26-year-old. My mother's still parenting me."

His first movie role was that of Scott Calvin in 1994's "The Santa Clause," a family-friendly comedy that centers around a father who inadvertently kills Santa on Christmas Eve and finds himself unwittingly filling his boots. 

The fast-talking comedian said he had to spend hours in the makeup room and wear a big, red suit. Often the children on set mistook him for the real deal, which, he joked, he wasn't having.

Throughout the show, Allen did the Neanderthal-type grunts he's known for as he discussed his colonoscopy woes, the unflattering male genitalia and political correctness. 

He didn't talk much about the current administration except when it came to Trump's tweeting habits.  

"Whatever you think about the president, he's changing everything with this tweeting (stuff). I think some of that (stuff) he thinks is funny. And even as a comedian, I can't make that (stuff) funny," Allen said.

In the past, Allen has been one of the few in Hollywood to speak openly about his conservative views.

He told the audience he doesn't understand why society is so "politically correct." 

"I can't keep up with it," he said in reference to what words he can and cannot use. 

He attributes the problem to what he calls "The People's Republic of California" with its left-leaning views. 

In a recent interview with CNN, which he quickly added in sarcastically, "God knows they know the truth," he said he used the word mulatto to describe a person of racially mixed ancestry. 

He was later told the proper word is mixed-race.

"I didn't get the Post-it note," he said. 

Allen's opening act, Detroit native and comedian Lowell Sanders, stepped on to the stage and swayed to Al Green's "Lets Stay Together" as the R&B song played through the speakers.

He quickly yelled out for the song to stop so he could get on with the set.

The Lowell Sanders Channel | Laugh Factory Comedy Network

Sanders, whose who's been touring with Allen for nearly four years, joked about how hip-hop and rap artists have altered the music industry from the earlier Motown days.

"Music has changed. There's a lot of violence in music nowadays. A lot of rappers want to shoot each other and beat each other up," he said.

"Old-school, you never heard about violence in music.

"You never heard about Smokey Robinson b-----slapping nobody. You never heard about The Four Tops doing a drive-by on The Temptations."

He also touched on the struggles of going through airport security, dealing with lost baggage — and yes, how the restrooms just aren't big enough.

"They're so tiny. To get in there you have to back your way in," Sanders said as he made the motion of backing up onstage.

 The crowd laughed when he added, "And to go in after someone who was in there, that's when the oxygen mask should drop.

"Then you're like 'I can't breathe, can somebody crack the window?'... There's a terrorist on the plane, and just dropped a bomb in the bathroom."

While many fans said they loved both acts, Elizabeth Noyes, of Bonita Springs, thought Sanders one-upped Allen's performance.

"We all liked the opening act. He was really good in terms of warming up the audience," Noyes said. 

"We enjoyed Tim Allen too, but there was a lot of below-the-belt stuff."

For a list of upcoming shows at Artis—Naples, visit artisnaples.org or call 239-597-1900.